Asking a bigger creator to collab, and taking the no

Almost everyone I've worked with was bigger than me when I asked them. So I ask politely, let them say no if the answer is no, and take the no well.

Should you ask a creator who's bigger than you?

Yes. Ask politely, and let them decide. A no costs you nothing, and almost everyone who has said yes to me was bigger than me when I asked. The mechanics of the message itself, what to put in it and what to leave out, are in how to ask a creator to collab. This post is about the part before you hit send and the part after they answer.

How do you get past the nerve?

If I don't take the shot, there's no chance at all. If I ask, and I ask politely, there's a small chance. A small chance is better than no chance. That's mostly what goes through my head before I send one.

Where does "always ask" come from?

From job hunting. When I've sent my resume around for regular jobs, I'd rather a company told me no than never hear from them because I didn't apply. I don't always fit the mold perfectly, and sometimes someone wants you anyway. Collabs work the same way. You'll occasionally be surprised by who says yes.

What does a no usually look like?

Most often it's polite, and it comes in one of three forms:

• "I'm not accepting collabs."
• "I'm being very selective with collabs."
• "Sure, but my rate would have to be paid."

The rates I've been quoted run from about $400 all the way to $5,000. I haven't paid for a scene, so for me that third answer is a no too.

What do you say when someone quotes a rate?

I usually tell them it's a little out of my budget, thank them, and say I'll be in touch if it's ever something I'm interested in or it fits my budget later. It's a kind way of saying I can't afford it or I don't want to pay it, and it leaves the door open either way.

If a free collab is the alternative, the hidden cost of the free collab is worth reading too.

What if they don't reply at all?

I take no reply as the reply. I may follow up a few months later with a short check-in, because the first message may never have been seen. It might have gone to spam, or it might be sitting in the pile of message requests the person hasn't accepted. If a few messages get silence, I stop.

What does "everybody isn't for everybody" mean?

It's a phrase that goes around the community. Not everybody will think you're hot, and not everybody will think you're amazing. It doesn't matter if you're the best at this or the worst at it: some people will want to work with you and some won't, no matter what.

So the person you want to work with maybe isn't for you, and maybe they are. You can always ask, but be willing to walk away and move on to somebody who does want to work with you.

How do you take a no without burning a bridge?

Never send a bad reply. In most cases mine is short: thank you for replying, I appreciate it, and I'd still love to work with you down the road. I'm trying to keep the door open, not burn a bridge, and not make an enemy.

My own first scene came from two creators who invited me. The collabs after that mostly started with me asking someone bigger than me, and plenty of those asks ended in a polite no.

— Sly